3AM Thoughts And Notes

Caught myself bored and thinking about you today I have no idea why so it kinda hit me off guard But, it wasn't the usual thoughts or memories Like your voice, your laugh, your kisses, your ambition, how you feel, how you held me or even flashbacks It wasnt nostalgia, I didn't miss you nor did I wish I could bump into you Don't worry, it wasn't disgust either You just happened to cross my mind Just your name But I honestly couldn't recall the curves of your face, the tone of your voice, how you smelt or the taste of your skin It was like I couldn't remember you or the short lived thing we had but you were still on my mind I don't know how or why it happened but I caught myself bored and thinking about you today And for the first time since I met you, I hated it.

Everytime I listen to this song, I think aboit you in a way I'm not supposed to.  I feel a way about you A way I'm not meant to It's against the rules  And I know I'm only breaking my own heart here But I really don't know what to do here I've never been here I'm not supposed to be here How did I get here I'm breaking all our rules here But can you blame me when you're so easy to love? So simple to be loyal to, to trust When the sex is so good that I can never get enough  When you're flawless to touch When you hold me like you do Look at me like for that moment I'm all that matters to you Can you blame me that I think you're heavensent And that you're swag is so effortless  That you leave me breathless  I feel like you breathe a new life into me that I never knew existed. Your smile leaves me excited. And everytime I see you with another girl I feel gutted. It's against the rules...

I'm fighting demons I'm fighting demons that are trying to get rid of me I'm fighting demons that I can't and shouldn't fight I'm fighting demons in the dark I'm fighting demons in the light I'm  fighting demons that I can and can't see I'm fighting demons that are within me, without me and all around me I'm fighting demons that don't wanna see me win But they don't wanna see me give up either because that's not nearly as entertaining as watching me fighting a losing battle I'm fighting demons Temptations Heartache Heartbreak Emptiness Soullessness Death I'm fighting... Demons... So please be patient with me.

Someday we're gonna have to talk about this shit How we decidedly ignore our spirits I mean don't get me wrong, I don't believe in soul ties and shit And my pussy ain't really connected to my feels But I know something shifts everytime we lay down And if we're really laying it down, tomorrow we'll feel more empty than we do now Coz yeah warm bodies warm cold souls for moment but lets talk about this for a second Our minds are what need peace but we go for physical release Amd yeah I like it, it's good. Matter of fact it's great But we know everytime we lay in eachothers arms, a piece of our gold is taken away Fulfilling our physical necessities when in all honesty it's our spirituals that need to be set free... Why are we acting like all of this don't mean nothing? It might really mean shit to you, but for me it stands for something You're taking up space in my forever and turning it into never And if I don't stand for me,...

Hey bartender, I need a refill, this bottle went by too fast I'm not even sure what I'm drinking anymore But I'll take anything to wash away these sorrows A shot to take the pain away Maybe vodka or tequila, maybe a bullet Substance has become my cloud 9 where all my troubles disappear to, the ether But it seems like my guardian angels can't deal either Maybe I need an intervention with the divine The holy trinity, vodka gin and wine Or methylated spirits to clean my tainted soul and release it to where spirits are made whole I'm not sure but I know something is bound to fill me up John 8:11, I'm the uncondenmed whore My demons are so old, they've been raising the bar Serving up dark drinks like wisdom Denying my soul it's freedom Flaming Lamborghini of pain and lies Burning out the last of my happiness like a wildfire Or maybe I've just gone haywire I'm pretty sure I'm crazy But with all the liquor in ...

It's, it's really hot in here Emotions are running high, tensions so thick you could cut through them with a butter knife It's really loud in here Too many voices, too many options, and a lot of choices It's kinda crowded in here Promises, memories, people I held onto and broken pieces. I'm feeling a lil claustrophobic It's really messy in here An empty bottle here, all the issues I'm trying to drink away over there and I'm tripping on all the obstacles I'm not seeing It's too much up here, I'm getting lost in here, I don't think you should visit up here...