Behind The Rose Tinted Windows

I thought that if I bring myself down
Contort smiles out of my frowns
Give you all of me, love you wholeheartedly.
You'd have the decency to treat me like a human being if not a queen.

I put your potential so high up on pedestal,
That I forgot to see your reality and realize that you truly hate me
I thought maybe something was wrong with me; maybe I clash with your personality; maybe I'm not loving the way you want, or need to be; maybe you really aren't doing all of this intentionally...
But, how are you calling it a mistake when almost killing me is a daily risk you take,
When everyday you take my breath away and not in a good way
You choke me with your lies, fists and your kicks.
Then force me to take roses as your half baked apology
Even though you see that their thorns cut and pierce me
Even as you see me broken and bleeding.

I've lost all my will to breathe
I've lost all the energy to fight or please you
I'm gonna let myself drown in all my held back tears and bleed
I'm gonna let you kill me
And hopefully that'll finally make you happy
Hopefully you'll actually love me
Hopefully my last smile will be real...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Reflections: Midnight Thoughts and Realizations

I've written a lot about you lately. For a long time you were all I could think about even though we nearly never spoke or saw each other. I had dreams about you too, some wildly erotic, others just calm little conversations. I had vivid flashbacks of the shit we got up to and I could barely watch any series, movies, videos; or listen to any of the music you plugged me into despite them being the only suggestions on my YouTube. I'd recall the conversations we had and laugh coz despite the seriousness that was there, our little problems always seem to have a little silver lining. I set up Hookah the way you used to. with a little flourish here and there coz I learnt from other people too. You never knew this but I watched how you rolled a joint very closely, it fascinated me; and now that's exactly how I do it even through other acquaintances efforts to change it... A lot of the time, I miss you and the little agreement we had. It was so simple but so necessary. You got me...
Read more

The Thought of You

Caught myself bored and thinking about you today I have no idea why so it kinda hit me off guard But, it wasn't the usual thoughts or memories Like your voice, your laugh, your kisses, your ambition, how you feel, how you held me or even flashbacks It wasnt nostalgia, I didn't miss you nor did I wish I could bump into you Don't worry, it wasn't disgust either You just happened to cross my mind Just your name But I honestly couldn't recall the curves of your face, the tone of your voice, how you smelt or the taste of your skin It was like I couldn't remember you or the short lived thing we had but you were still on my mind I don't know how or why it happened but I caught myself bored and thinking about you today And for the first time since I met you, I hated it.
Read more

25/04/2022_02

I should've listened to Sir when he said "you can't save me from myself" coz honestly all this time I've been with you that's what I've been trying to do Save you from you I tried to keep you safe, not just for me but for everyone who ever had the pleasure of knowing you I tried to keep you out of harms way but it seems to be the only way that you prefer I tried to love you enough for the both of us I tried to use my love to keep your demons away I tried to care for you into finding your healing I tried to be your peace, your home, your love, your happy place, your free space But like the song says, I can't save you from you... I loved you past your pain, past your flaws and past your shame I loved you through every thorn That came from you to me I loved you when I felt nothing but pain from you I loved you despite every chain That kept you from doing the same I loved the lies you told me I loved care you lacked towards me I loved your everyday absence...
Read more