25/04/2022_01

 I know that I need to get this out and the only I know how is to write it all down

To speak my feelings into being

So that I can later murder them when I finally feel free

But today I lack the words to describe what it is that I'm feeling

Coz if I say it, if I speak it into existence

I'm finally admitting to letting you go

Maybe this is why I've never written or uttered a single word of you

Coz maybe I've never really wanted to see you go

But now I don't think it's right that I hold onto what I believe we've had all these years

Coz I think that what I've believed to be true love is only my fear of it being nothing at all



I've loved you, or at least felt drawn to you from the moment the I met you

I was like a moth to a flame

Flying too close to your sun

Blinded by its brilliance, attracted by its warmth, drawn to its light

From that moment on, I wanted to be in your space, breathe your air, feel your touch, and hear your voice

I wanted your very essence to be a part of my existence and I would've done anything to keep you around... 

I did everything to keep you around

A moth to a flame

Flying to close to your sun

And now I've been burned by its heat



I still came back to you

I still thought of you almost every day

I compared you to every soul I'd meet

And though I danced with many of them, nothing compared to what you and I shared

I felt some emptiness without you, no words could describe it

And when you came into my life, there I was again, caught in your web

Attracted by your light, enraptured by your sun, swimming in the depths of you

Like an infant in deep waters, I drowned in your oceans



What hurts me the most is that even though you've burned and drowned me

Even though you killed the best parts of me

If you'd call tomorrow I'd answer

With hurt in my heart, detachment on my mind, and hope in my eyes

The hope that now you've finally realized that I'm the only one who could have, who would have loved every single piece of you

Broken or not

Wihtout asking for anything but your love in return

I just wanted your love, you promised me your love

But somehow, all you were able to give me was the hate you harboured for everyone else

And I can never give that back to you

I could never hate you

I'd still burn and drown for you



Now that I've spoken these words into the abyss

The emptiness of this universe, I hope I finally get to kill them, to see them take their last breathe and die

To finally heal the first of the thousand cuts you gave me 


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