Selfish

I need you to not need me
I want you to want me
I want to come to a cup that's already full and overflowing
I don't want to be your rehabilitation facility or your place of healing
I don't want to help you swim or figure out how to use your parachute
I don't want to polish your silver spoon
I don't want to nourish you
I want you to be full
I want you to be intentional
I want you to be happy even without me
I don't want to be your solace or safe space
I'm not willing to be your escape
I've got selfish intentions so I need you to not need me

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Reflections: Midnight Thoughts and Realizations

I've written a lot about you lately. For a long time you were all I could think about even though we nearly never spoke or saw each other. I had dreams about you too, some wildly erotic, others just calm little conversations. I had vivid flashbacks of the shit we got up to and I could barely watch any series, movies, videos; or listen to any of the music you plugged me into despite them being the only suggestions on my YouTube. I'd recall the conversations we had and laugh coz despite the seriousness that was there, our little problems always seem to have a little silver lining. I set up Hookah the way you used to. with a little flourish here and there coz I learnt from other people too. You never knew this but I watched how you rolled a joint very closely, it fascinated me; and now that's exactly how I do it even through other acquaintances efforts to change it... A lot of the time, I miss you and the little agreement we had. It was so simple but so necessary. You got me...
Read more

The Thought of You

Caught myself bored and thinking about you today I have no idea why so it kinda hit me off guard But, it wasn't the usual thoughts or memories Like your voice, your laugh, your kisses, your ambition, how you feel, how you held me or even flashbacks It wasnt nostalgia, I didn't miss you nor did I wish I could bump into you Don't worry, it wasn't disgust either You just happened to cross my mind Just your name But I honestly couldn't recall the curves of your face, the tone of your voice, how you smelt or the taste of your skin It was like I couldn't remember you or the short lived thing we had but you were still on my mind I don't know how or why it happened but I caught myself bored and thinking about you today And for the first time since I met you, I hated it.
Read more

25/04/2022_02

I should've listened to Sir when he said "you can't save me from myself" coz honestly all this time I've been with you that's what I've been trying to do Save you from you I tried to keep you safe, not just for me but for everyone who ever had the pleasure of knowing you I tried to keep you out of harms way but it seems to be the only way that you prefer I tried to love you enough for the both of us I tried to use my love to keep your demons away I tried to care for you into finding your healing I tried to be your peace, your home, your love, your happy place, your free space But like the song says, I can't save you from you... I loved you past your pain, past your flaws and past your shame I loved you through every thorn That came from you to me I loved you when I felt nothing but pain from you I loved you despite every chain That kept you from doing the same I loved the lies you told me I loved care you lacked towards me I loved your everyday absence...
Read more